(The tape recorder clicks on. There’s a leadership course certificate pinned to the noticeboard with Giorgi Mamardashvili’s name on it, next to a photo of Riccardo Calafiori that three separate members of staff have already commented on for reasons entirely unrelated to football.)
Act I: Calafiori Arrives, and Immediately Gets Hurt
Riccardo Calafiori has signed from Arsenal, and I’ll say this plainly: the squad’s average handsomeness has gone up considerably. He’ll fight Parisi for the left-back spot and cover Hincapié at left centre-back when needed, which gives us real quality in depth in an area that’s needed it all summer. I am starting to notice a pattern, though — between him and Zaccagni, I appear to be quietly raiding Arsenal’s squad on a semi-regular basis. Somebody at the Emirates must be wondering what’s going on.
True to form, he went straight into a pre-season friendly and picked up a minor injury — nothing serious, just a few days out, but the timing was immaculate. Welcome to Fiorentina, Riccardo. You’ll fit right in.
Act II: The Ivan Toney Affair
A brief, baffling footnote from the market: we offered Ivan Toney £115,000 a week on a free transfer. He wouldn’t entertain anything under £300,000. We walked away, entirely reasonably. The next thing we hear, he’s signed for a Saudi minnow on £34,500 a week — less than a third of what he turned down from us. I have no explanation for this. None. Football continues to defy logic.
Act III: Shoring Up the Back Line
The defensive rebuild isn’t finished yet. Roger Ibañez has said he’ll consider a £39.5 million move to Brentford, and while it’s tempting to dig in and refuse on principle, the honest truth is I need to raise the mental attributes across that back line — more leadership, better decision-making under pressure — if we’re going to keep the kind of clean sheets a squad this talented should be keeping. Calafiori’s arrival is part of that plan. Losing Ibañez might end up being another part of it.
The much better news: no offers at all for Hincapié, Esposito or Omorodion this window. After the two enormous bids Hincapié waved off earlier in the summer, having those three simply left alone for once feels like a genuine luxury.
Act IV: New Leadership, Old Faces
There’s been a change at the very top of the dressing room hierarchy — Giorgi Mamardashvili has taken the captain’s armband, and I’ve sent him off on a proper leadership course to make sure he’s ready for it. Mandragora stays on as vice-captain, still the steady hand he’s always been. A number of players have also quietly accepted revised expectations around their playing time this season, which should head off a fair few of the grievances that plagued us last year before they ever get the chance to start.
On top of that, we’ve brought in Ricardo Horta on a free transfer — 33 years old, a genuine Braga legend with over a hundred goals to his name there, in for experience and squad depth rather than starting minutes. He turned down interest from Saint-Étienne, Paris FC, AZ Alkmaar, Torino and Norwich to sign with us, which is a nice bit of validation even for a low-key deal. Our own scouts, amusingly, rated him a D and suggested we “only sign as a last resort.” We signed him anyway. Sometimes you trust the CV over the algorithm.
Act V: Pre-Season Notes, and Iain Strikes Again
Pre-season itself has been a mixed bag. Kayode and Endrick have both been excellent in the friendlies, genuinely first-team sharp already. Less impressive: we’ve now lost back-to-back penalty shootouts in the Purple Cup, which is not exactly the confidence boost I was hoping for heading into the real fixtures.
Amdy Faty has gone out on loan to Burnley, who I’m reliably informed will show him plenty of cold Wednesday nights in the Championship — character-building stuff, and they’re covering his full £50,000 wage while he’s there, so there’s no downside for us. Vítor Roque, in the end, didn’t come our way at all — he’s signed for Leipzig instead, and good luck to him; I’d talked myself out of that one weeks ago anyway.
And of course, Iain couldn’t resist getting involved one more time — he beat us to Turati, a backup goalkeeper, for a modest £4.4 million. Given everything else we got done this summer I’m not losing sleep over a reserve keeper, but he does seem to enjoy reminding me he’s still paying attention.
Last thing worth flagging: four of this summer’s signings were made with next season, or the one after, firmly in mind — pure future bets in the £5–10 million range. It’s a genuinely nice position to be in, spending that kind of money on potential rather than desperation. A year ago I couldn’t have imagined saying that.
Next time: whatever the real season actually throws at us, now that the window’s finally shutting.