Act IX: Calciopoli 2.0
Before discussing the title race, it is important that we address an incident that has cast a long shadow over Italian football. Historians may eventually refer to it as “The Battery Affair”. Others may know it by its more common name: “That Time Alex Definitely Rage Quit.”
The facts are straightforward. Fiorentina were playing Roma in the Coppa Italia quarter-final. I was observing the match as a neutral party, much in the same way that a crocodile observes a gazelle attempting to cross a river.
For the first hour, Fiorentina were magnificent. They dominated possession. They created chances. They took a deserved lead. Alex was already composing what would undoubtedly have been a lengthy post-match statement about tactical superiority and the moral virtues of playing in purple.
Then football happened.
Roma scored.
Then Roma scored again.
Within a matter of minutes Fiorentina had gone from comfortable control to staring at elimination. Naturally, I began enjoying myself immensely. And then, at precisely the moment Roma took a 2-1 lead, something extraordinary occurred.
The connection was lost.
Gone.
Vanished.
Disappeared into the Roman night.
A few moments later, Alex returned with an explanation. His laptop battery had apparently died.
Now, I want to be fair here. Football is a game of fine margins and we must avoid jumping to conclusions.
However. Steam provides approximately seventeen separate warnings before a laptop battery expires. Modern technology practically sends a delegation to your front door to inform you that power levels are becoming a concern.
Furthermore, this unfortunate technical malfunction occurred at the exact moment Roma took the lead. Not five minutes earlier. Not ten minutes later. Not during a quiet spell in midfield. At the exact moment disaster struck.
Remarkable timing.
The match was replayed from an earlier save. This time Fiorentina won. Curiously, the battery survived the full ninety minutes without incident. It demonstrated a resilience and determination entirely absent during the previous attempt.
Perhaps it really was an unfortunate coincidence. Perhaps the laws of probability simply aligned in a very specific way. Or perhaps Italian football has once again been touched by controversy.
I am not accusing anyone of wrongdoing. I am merely asking questions. The same questions millions of Lazio supporters are asking. The same questions investigators may one day ask. The same questions that echo through the corridors of Italian football to this very day.
Why did the battery only die when Roma went ahead?
And why, having apparently reached the end of its natural life expectancy, did it immediately recover sufficiently to power Fiorentina into the next round? The truth may never be known.
But somewhere in Rome, a file marked “Batterygate” remains open.